Updated: Jun 5
loving unconditionally was something I really only related to the way in which I loved my children. I guess its true that a mother's love is probably the most popular example of this dimension of love, why is that? maybe because it is based on their ability to understand, be selfless and their willingness to connect irrespective of whatever they are faced with. But on reflection of my own experiences as a child, I have come to question this, as very often a parents love is not always willing to understand, to connect or even forgive in the face of everything.
And what happens then?
To be honest until more recently, I had never ever really considered anything outside that realm. It is a term that I had often thrown around a lot like it was a special location that I could just dip in and out of as I saw fit. When in reality unconditional love is so much more than that. Its much more of an ongoing arduous process that requires us to dig way deep within.
As a mother of three wonderful children who are so amazingly unique in all that they do, however, raising them in this modern age where it is not unheard of to succumb to the pressures of society. This then at times acted as a catalyst for fear driven thoughts being created around how to survive, that anxiety then often became the default mind frame.
It is important to me that my children are allowed to remain imperfectly perfect, and that through showing them compassion and understanding throughout all their various phases in the school of life they will go on to succeed.
What does it look like to love unconditionally?
Once I began to muster up the courage which allowed me to then begin to shine light onto some of the darkest corners of me, and when I began to accept those dark corners, it was then that I can say I began to truly relish the initial taste of the notion of unconditional love.
Being stuck in conditional relationships.
Finding myself in dysfunctional friendships and relationships, where at times I completely obliterated myself in the attempt to love unconditionally, even if it was at the cost of my happiness and often caused me to feel anxious.
I believe, when our relationships are conditional, we don't really have relationships at all.
lets face it.
Why did I do it?
The simple answer is I did it because I subconsciously believed that if I loved a person unconditionally - despite whatever they do, that maybe, just maybe it would change, that somehow my expression of love would somehow dramatically transform them. When the reality is what I had actually done was deplete all my reserves, along with any self respect I had and I was literally in a state where I was dying emotionally.
I became an unrecognisable version of myself, this is inevitably what happens when we avoid our dark corners. We end up chasing illusions of our own being while somehow totally ignoring all the dark matter that we are wading through and so unfortunately the dark we start off ignoring ends up totally consuming us.
How to begin loving unconditionally?
I suggest you start with small baby steps, remove any existing anger you hold for this is indeed only directed from yourself. Forgiveness is key. Acknowledge all your imperfections, remember we are all imperfectly perfect and that is ok. Acceptance is imperative on the journey of embracing unconditional love.
Learn to forgive others too, as they are not perfect either, when you do this it puts you into a more relaxed state.
These are just a few snippets of how unconditional love feels.
Love is indeed the absolute highest calling of our existence, simply because it demands that we accept and embrace our imperfections and use our creativity to love through them. The equation is a very simplistic one, if we can love ourselves we can certainly love each other.
Always remember, you are enough!
Having self doubt is essentially a lack of belief in your own talents and abilities as well as an outward expression of inadequacy.
I am enough.