Emotional suppression and chasing your healing

I believe, through experience that being able to heal emotionally is essentially what aids us in becoming whole. It’s fair to say most of us have at some stage of our lives lost touch with the experience of wholeness through the suppression of emotional experiences. Emotions are such a tremendous source of personal power and energy, as they provide us with an acumen that aids us to know what we want, and what is right for us. However, unfortunately for many of us, we live in cultures that more often than not, shames any expression of emotion and teaches denial, invalidation and suppression.

By shutting down, we begin to break our being into tiny pieces. Not only can we lose touch with our sense of who we are and our true essence, but we become cemented, rigid and stuck physically in our way of thinking and expressing ourselves. We somehow lose our sense of consciousness, creativity, spontaneity and freedom. As each emotion is shut down, like anger, for example, we can also lose the capacity to feel other emotions too – including the positive ones such as joy, peace or love.

Indeed, there are a whole host of reasons why emotions are suppressed. Sometimes the intensity we’ve experienced after having gone through something may have been too much for us to assimilate at the time. Take for instance when a woman experiences domestic violence; this could lead to feelings of being overwhelmed by the intensity of fear or even sadness. When this happens, our brains automatically set up ‘doors’ which can potentially limit the entry of any positive possibilities at that moment and even beyond.

Sadly, many of us have been disciplined in such a way we feel we need to conceal emotion. Growing up I was always told children should be ‘seen and not heard’, or ‘not to answer back’, and to ‘do what I was told’ and to always ‘be polite’. In my culture, the tendency to uphold a very false image that being strong means not being emotional; so for example not crying at funerals, or showing any anger outwardly.

My quest to discover wholeness was to initially work on my emotional mastery whilst learning how to become more aware of my thoughts, particularly the self-serving or self-harming ones. In addition, I started acquiring the know-how to be able to change them if they were no longer serving me and were the significant key turning points along my journey to embracing wholeness.

Once I understood the power that lay in me simply choosing to focus my mind on what I could do, rather than what I couldn't my life began to transform, life can be extremely gratifying when you dare to be different or step out of your comfort zone.

A combination of consistent moments of being still (meditation), along with, journaling, and visualisation of who I intended to be, became my daily practice and was the essential catalyst that was required in order for me to learn and incorporate action and become a better version of myself.

The fact is you really are unable to embrace any new beginning until you end what used to be. Don't wait till something tragic happens to make a change, anything is possible once you are committed to the change process.

What small changes will you make to start your inner healing today?

My Wedding Anniversary, My Divorce and Me

It’s simply just another day now. But once upon a time, it meant something. It was the reminder of a wedding day which was far from the one I had always dreamed of many years prior as a young girl. At the time, not having nearly as much money as we had hoped to make it exactly what we wanted, coupled with the anxiety of trying to please family and friends. I told myself, and everyone else over and over it was the marriage that mattered and not the wedding itself.

I actually wonder, did I continually repeat this to convince myself?

Today would have marked 20 years of marriage. A date easy enough to remember, however, the date that my ex-husband filed for a divorce is a date I can't seem to remember. Then came the date that my divorce was finalised approximately 3 months after the filing. To be fair, no one seems to want to celebrate those anniversaries or the dates that mark the days we make major changes in our lives. Is it because we feel, secretly, like we are failures? After all, people seem to judge matrimonial longevity as a marker of success. Divorce is seen as a failure while staying inside a bad marriage can somehow be merited as an achievement.

What does it really achieve to stay stuck in a mistake, or something that is no longer serving you? What possible success can be measured by living a life that is so much less than it could be? For sure, relationships are not easy. Let's face it, not all relationships are healthy. Some are even toxic. Too many people stay, not because they are determined to make it work, but because they are afraid of making a change.

Honestly, change can be terrifying. It can be extremely intimidating looking at the possibility of a future that is different from the one that was originally planned. At the time of my divorce, I had 3 dependent children, no job and absolutely no idea what I was going to do next. Please don't underestimate that it was anything less than being courageous. I certainly was not giving up. I was actually choosing to make the best of a bad situation by taking the actual steps to make changes in my life.

The day my divorce was final, I didn't really know what to feel. Truth be told I had envisaged popping champagne with my girlfriends to celebrate. But it was nothing like that. Instead, I sat in my car staring at the piece of paper that freed me of the relationship. I felt sorry for the happy go lucky 26-year-old girl who had walked into the registry office towards it. At the same time, I also felt sad for the disappointment she would probably face, and that I was actually facing then.

Now when my old wedding anniversary comes around, it reminds me of the courage it took to free myself. I clearly remember how hard I tried to save the relationship, and then ultimately how hard I fought to save myself and to create a better life for my children. It doesn't make me sad to pass the wedding anniversary that has now just become another day in the calendar, and I definitely don't feel like a failure when I pass the date as it signifies the life changes I made.

I feel brave. I feel empowered. I feel free. And I know, in my heart I am stronger and capable of so much more than I could have ever imagined. I took a life I had carefully planned and burned it down to rebuild one that suited me better. I allowed that to give me strength and courage whenever I face any struggles now.

There was a wedding anniversary. A divorce anniversary, and then me. My life in dates and legal decisions does not define me, no more than it defines anyone else who has achieved a year in a relationship they would be better served by leaving.

We are so much more than that. And every year as those dates pass, I remember what was and what could be. I did not fail. I chose and I chose again, as you can now and as I will again. I don't let it hurt me. I let it remind me of how strong I have always been, just in case I ever allow myself to forget.

What will you do today to evoke that change?

What is your purpose?

Sadly, it is all too common these days for people to think that what we should be doing in life should always be enjoyable.

But what happens when it is not?

When the stark reality of life kicks in, people let you down or turn on you, forsake you, when you make mistakes, fall short of your intended goal and fail, when the demands seem overwhelming?

Do we just jack it all in?

What keeps us pushing through?

Purpose!

Having a clear sense that there is a much higher reason other than just our personal happiness, safety or comfort. That we are giving of ourselves to and for something greater than us.

To be able to do this, you must first find your purpose, something that your heart feels is very important and meaningful. Something that is going to help make the world a better place.

I did just that! The very thing I have been doing pretty much most of my adult life was empowering and uplifting others. It always feels as if I am adding immense value and possibility of hope into their lives. It matters to me that people are living fully as God intended for them to be.

If you have found your purpose then you are an extremely blessed person. If not, then I really urge you to make that your immediate goal. To find something to do that helps to make the world a better place. Let’s face it, you are not here just to find peace within yourself; you are here to be all that you can be and give the world the gift of your unique presence!

The challenges that are right on your doorstep, right now are calling you out. Calling you to step up and glow and grow. Think about it, Who would Nelson Mandela have been without apartheid or Martin Luther King be without discrimination? Please don’t choose to resent the people or situations that are challenging you. They are your main teachers, they are serving you, enticing you to grow. Embrace all the birthing pains that may be stripping you of any of the attachments that could potentially be a major part of the process of you finding a deeper you.

I decided to turn things around. I chose to take control of my life and began partaking in various ways to alter my then unhappy reality, such as daily meditation to reframe my mindset, journaling to express my thoughts, along with taking the necessary action to remove the self-induced image of perfection I had placed upon myself just to please others. I then began to feel more confident about sharing snippets of my story. Not only did this highlight that I am an inspiration to so many others but that this was indeed my purpose. To inspire and bring light to others by simply sharing and being me.

Finding my purpose has given me the drive to achieve something extraordinary something I never ever thought would have been possible but discovering this new passion has given me the push I required in order to achieve my dreams.

If you would like to know more about my journey or what’s happening with me and within my community, either subscribe to my website www.marciamcleod.com or follow me on Instagram @beingmarciamcleod