Updated: Mar 26
Complete acceptance of what is
Faith that all is well, even without my input.
In my experience, things seem to go a lot smoother when I give up control - when I allow them to happen instead of making them happen. Unfortunately, I used to be quite bad at this. Although I’m much better than I used to be, I still have my moments where I am known for being bit of a control freak. I have been known to use perfectly good energy trying to plan, predict, and prevent things that I cannot possibly plan, predict, or prevent.
For example, I have often wondered if my children are going to be ok in this current world crisis, since we are all scattered in various corners of the globe. If not, just how awful that might actually be, with me being so far away from them. I then begin to think through their daily life routines especially with the online learning that has started, and here I am attempting to figure out exactly what they are up against as if their destiny is something I can even control.
As a recovering control freak, there are some things I do know for sure about trying to control things:
Control is also a result of being attached to a specific outcome - an outcome we’re sure is most favourable, as if we always know what’s best! We try to control things because of what we think will happen if we don’t. In other words, control is rooted in fear.
When we trust that we’re okay no matter what circumstances come our way, we don’t need to micromanage the universe. We can let go. And we open ourselves up to all sorts of wonderful possibilities that aren’t there when we’re attached to one “right” path.
The energy of surrender accomplishes much more than the energy of control.
I suspect it’s slightly different for everyone, but here’s what control mode looks and feels like for me:
My vision gets very narrow and focused, adrenaline is pumping fiercely and my heart rate increases quite significantly.
My mind shifts from topic to topic and from past to future very quickly, and I have little to no concentration, and virtually no present-moment awareness.
When I become aware that I’m in control mode, I imagine that I’m in the sea swimming against the current. It’s very difficult. It’s a fight. That’s what control feels like to me.
When I choose to let go and surrender, I visualise myself turning around, letting go of the fight and just being still, floating in the sea.
I’m being gently pulled, with no effort necessary on my part. Simply breathing and saying to myself, “let go of the fear” is usually enough to get me there.
In surrender mode, I’m calm, peaceful. Breathing deeply, present in the moment. I see clearly and my vision extends out around me, allowing me to (literally) see the bigger picture.
So the great irony is that attempting to control things actually feels like I am less in control. When I’m micromanaging and obsessing over unnecessary details, I eventually come to know that I’m standing in my own way.
Surrender literally means to stop fighting. Stop fighting with yourself. Stop fighting the universe and the natural flow of things. Stop resisting and pushing against reality.
Now don’t get me wrong, It’s not about inaction. It’s about taking action from that place of surrender energy.
If letting go of control and surrendering not only feel better, but actually produce better results, then how can we ensure we are doing that? Sometimes it’s as easy as noticing that you’re in control mode and choosing to let go - consciously and deliberately shifting into surrender energy.
Naturally, there are times that it’s a lot harder to make the shift from control to surrender. Here are a few questions you can ask yourself that may be able to help:
What am I afraid will happen if I let go of control?
When you pinpoint the fear, question its validity. Ask yourself, is it true? For example, you have become afraid that the entire evening you have planned will be totally ruined if your friend doesn’t remember to bring the bottle of wine (and you’ve already reminded her ten times), you really do need to question that assumption.
Is it really possible for you to know that the evening would be entirely ruined without the wine? And frankly even if it was going to be ruined (by your definition, anyway), in the grand scheme of things what’s so bad about that?
Find out whose business you’re in, is it yours?
Your business is purely the realm of things that you and only you can directly influence. Are you there? Or are you in someone else’s business? When we’re trying to control things outside of our own business, it’s for sure not going to go well.
Think about this: Could letting go actually feel like freedom?
I believe It almost always would. How about letting that feeling of freedom guide you toward loosening your grip.
By simply learning to control yourself, altering your thoughts and deleting any negativity will allow you to become more receptive to allowing things to happen. Of course this is certainly a skill that can be practiced and improved upon. It helps to believe that the Universe has your back and is supporting you at every turn so that you don’t have to worry yourself over minor unnecessary details.
Of course we can always choose to do things either the easy way or the hard way. We can power through and struggle, or we can let go be still and let the current carry us.
There is such a peaceful, yet focused energy that accompanies holding the intention of knowing exactly what I want, but not actually forcing myself to do it. That energy is totally magic. Yes, I’m still a work in progress, but I’m allowing it to become more of a habit instead of making it a habit.
At this moment, I have let go of the need to control anything that is happening or even trying to force things to work. I believe that this situation serves as a reminder to practice surrendering to be able to find peace, calm and groundedness in your current situation.
You might want to ask yourself. Am I willing to take a break from building, creating and achieving? And, how can I promote peace around me and within me?
God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference.